Monday, March 23, 2009

reading about other people sucks

Last week, when we were eagerly awaiting our own results, I would've welcomed a story of a couple who were fortunate enough to become pregnant early in the process.  I say this in a sentimental, retrospective tone because, today  reading that same news from a blogger in her FIRST MONTH OF TRYING made me want to delete her RSS feed from my inbox and visit her at home to beat her with my laptop.  Of course, I will likely not do either, but I never expected to be so monumentally disappointed by two months of non-productive trying.  It brings up all sorts of scary questions in my mind, like: 'What if there is a real underlying problem?' or 'What if this takes MUCH longer than we expected?' and, worst of all, 'What if I can't ever have children of my own?'  All of which, I realize, are horribly premature, but logic has no place in my neighborhood today.  Get off my lawn, logic!

I would like to know how anyone keeps sane during this process.  I go from hopelessly excited and nervous and stomach-fluttery to horribly disappointed and sad and stomach-floppy.  Do you just get used to the month-in, month-out routine?  Do you stop hoping?  Do you ponder stealing a newborn, cause that seems like a good choice for me right now.  This is making me tear up at my desk a little sad, so I'm going to pretend to think about something else for a while.

I'll try to think up a happy post for later today, so I don't lose all four of my readers.  :)

1 comment:

  1. Susan,

    I am on my third month of trying and will know something at the end of this week. I have to say that I share your disappointment, fear, and anxiety. However, I do know that, although it may not get easier each month, it will happen when it is supposed to happen. I do my best to let go of it and offer it up to the universe and trust that it will all work out the way it is supposed to.... I know that is little consolation right now but it is going to happen!!!

    Hang in there! We think about you guys often!
    Bridget and Jodi


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